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Hitchcock roasting Kirchgestner

In six days we will be setting out for Germany. There are many small things to be done, but the thing I feel most compelled to keep before me is this work of pilgrimage in trust through the landscape of uncertainty.

I spent the morning walking and praying. Concentrating on sabbath rest was a bit easier. I gave myself to walking the entire lake and sitting in silence. As I sat I focused my prayer and adoration through repeating, “Lord, you are good! Lord, you are gracious! Lord, you are good! Lord, you are generous! Lord, you are good! Lord, your love endures forever!”

The story that Alexa shared at retreat continues to resonate in my spirit. She shared of when she decided to leave a job she loved and became obsessed with the story of the centurion who comes to ask Jesus to heal his servant (Mark 8:5-13). When Jesus agrees to go and heal the servant, the soldier tells Jesus he does not need to come. The soldier is a man who understands authority and knows that Jesus’ power is such that he only needs to say the word.

Alexa shared her amazement that apparently the soldier grasped something that Jesus had not yet seen, revealing a depth of faith that Jesus praised. God uses peculiar messengers to guide us and give us direction.

She shared her own expectant seeking for how God might reveal his calling and direction for her next steps. Who might be her equivalent to Jesus’ gentile Roman soldier? She was looking, listening and waiting.

An old scripture comes to mind. Possibly the first verses I ever committed to memory. After writing on faith as “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see,” the writer of Hebrews goes onto record a litany of ancients who lived by faith (Hebrews 11). Then in the first three verses of Hebrews 12, he writes…

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before hime endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

What is it that hinders and entangles? What is it that causes my heart to falter and fail? How might I fix my eyes and ears on Jesus…looking, listening and waiting?

O, Lord open my eyes and ears to your unexpected and peculiar voices of guidance as I journey through this pilgrimage of trust.

The last couple of days have been a challenge. As soon as I begin to allow my heart and mind to rest in prayer and solitude I begin working. Working the problem of not having work. Working the possible scenarios. Working a plan to figure out what is next. Working! Like a cow chewing a mouthful of grass…working! And then I realize where my mind has gone and I remember Jesus’ word’s to me, “Sit here and rest. I will go take care of the people and then I will come back and let you know what is next.”

I have been listening to a teaching series by Henri Nouwen, Desert Spirituality for Contemporay Ministry. He says that it is in solitude that we are most haunted by our darkness and the demons of our insecurity and guilt and sin. Those voices that would accuse us and name us as insufficient. We are tempted to return to distraction. Anything to keep us from facing ourselves and our wickedness, from facing the truth of our desolation and despair. But if we will persevere in solitude, the desert fathers teach us that we will discover a deep grace and shalom that comes from no longer trying to perform for one another and for God.

This is much easier said than done!

Just a day after I received the news about the church I set out for the New Camaldoli Hermitage south of Big Sur. I had arranged this retreat for prayer and solitude in February. The timing now seems divinely appointed.

I camped south of Lucia at the Limekiln State Park and for 3 days spent time praying, worshipping with the monks, hiking, checking the blown out surf and smoking cigars while watching the sunset. Big Sur Coast

This is where the Lord gave me the theme of “Pilgrimage”. The monks run a bookstore and on Tuesday I bought Sacred Travels: Recovering the Ancient Practice of Pilgrimage, by Christian George. He writes, “We live in an age that sees people drowning in questions, searching for answers and starved for purpose. Pilgrimage is a spiritual practice that reminds us of our sacred purpose – to grow closer to God…Jesus invites us to take a journey. He asks us to depend on his guidance and navigation. He urges us to abandon our self-confidence and give ourselves to sacred serendipity.”

On Thursday I met with Father Bruno(…you gotta love a monk named Bruno) for a time of spiritual direction. After listening to some of my story he said, “It sounds like God is leading you into a pilgrimage of trust through a time of uncertainty.” Indeed!

I had thought that this summer of sabbatical would be restful as I was leaving one post of ministry with the security that a new work would be waiting in September. It seems, however, that God had a different plan. I keep hearing these words in my spirit, “Sabbatical will be restorative, not because your plans are established, but because I am calling you to trust me thoroughly.”

After returning home from this time of prayer and solitude we set out for Mount Hermon and the Golden Gate Community Retreat. The theme we had chosen months earlier…”Trust”!

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Anna at GGC Retreat

Lisa and I began our sabbatical by participating in a church planter
assessement center with the Evangelical Covenant Church. ECC is a
growing denomination that I have been exploring for the past year. The
spirit and culture feels very similar to our experiences from Westmont
and Fuller Seminary, as well as Young Life and Golden Gate
Community…relational, evangelical, engaging and diverse. We are
looking forward to serving in this context going forward. The
assessment was an intensive few days and helpful in many ways. At the
conclusion we were affirmed with a full recommendation to plant a
church with ECC. We also were able to spend some time with my
step-father in Toledo, OH. That was blessing upon blessing!

Many of you are aware that I have been a candidate for a Lead Pastor
role with a young Covenant church in SF. Although the church has been
growing for the last 2 years it is technically a church plant…thus
the assessment center. After receiving the assessment recommendation on
Saturday I met with the Lead Pastor of the parent/planting church on
Monday. He informed me that the leaders from the SF church had decided
“not” to extend a call to me.

This was quite unexpected as everything had been proceeding very
positively. However, after talking a bit it became clear to me that it
was a good thing. They affirmed us on many levels, but in the end
they felt they wanted a more driven leader. People have used many
adjectives to describe me, but “driven” is not generally one of them.
Although, this turn of events is surprising and disappointing on some
levels, we have been praying for the Lord’s guidance through the
closing and opening of doors. So, in many ways this is answered prayer.

This obviously changes our entry into sabbatical and that is where the
theme of pilgrimage comes to play. It seems the Lord truly wants this
to be a season of restoration through a pilgrimage of deep trust.
Think…Psalm 23:1-2, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet
waters, he restores my soul.” I am embracing this as my vocation during
these weeks and months. Our shalom in Christ is not dependent upon
jobs, security or good planning, but on his sufficiency. With Lisa and
the kids, I will pray and wait, trust and rest; and in the end we will
taste and see that the Lord is good, whatever the situation.

I ask that you would pray along with us as we look to see what the Lord
may have in store for our next steps in life and ministry.

May the God of Shalom be with you!